Tuesday, 15 December 2009

talkin' bout blocks

fuck all other games

Saturday, 5 December 2009

Call of Duty: Medieval Warfare

Ben says:
and i still want a classical warfare game
or at least medieval

Roland says:
yeah man me too
can you imagine that shit

Ben says:
imagine that shit
WHOA
instead of switchin to pistol
SWITCH TO YOUR SLING

Roland says:
it would be great to have like a huge, 40 vs 40 lag fest search and destroy
where one team has to assault a castle or something
and like fucking catapults are coming at you
everyone has to fall back

Ben says:
DEFUSE THE WICKER BASKET FULL OF GUNPOWDER

Roland says:
PUT SOME WATER ON THERE
TREAD ON THE FUSE

Ben says:
shooting bows
killstreak would be like
a horse would appear and you could be cavalry

Roland says:
yeah
or a flock of birds attacks someone
doesn't do any damage
but they can't see right
or like
you get a 3 kill streak
and it makes someone trip over

Ben says:
COME TO ME MY FALCON
falcons up in the air
UAV
shoot it down by putting bread on the floor
it flies down to eat that shit

Roland says:
oh man
this game
too hilarious
and everyone can wear football shirts anyway

Ben says:
it would also have the benefit of not taking itself as gayly seriously as cod does

Roland says:
yeah

Ben says:
and there would be no fucking wizards

Roland says:
but who would carry bread into combat
that would have to replace your ye olde claymore

Ben says:
bread would be a high level unlock clearly
i want some indiana jones temple shit instead of c4 and claymores
ewok shit
log falls on you
rock rolling down hill at you
crossbow bolt firing in to legs

Roland says:
and when that happens it goes in slow motion
the camera pans round to your guys face so you can see him scream in agony
and it's sean bean's face
and then he gets shot to shit with arrows out of nowhere

Ben says:
your drinking horn is sliced in two
instead of perks
you would just have a variety of heartening beverages in your drinking horns

Roland says:
one should make you instantly sick
and then everytime you respawn after dying
your character is still just being sick
can barely move
until the game ends

Ben says:
they should all do that
frankly the terrible health of medieval times should not be under represented

Roland says:
yeah
if you get a 25 kill streak
instead of a nuke
everyone gets the flu

Ben says:
everyone would have tuberculosis

Roland says:
or cholera
or the bubonic plague
just thousands of rats and fleas swarm the screen
and it goes black
and you can just hear coughing and screaming for about 5 in game hours
then the scoreboard comes up and it's a double loss for both teams

Ben says:
there would be animal shit all over the place
and there'd be thousands of peasants all over the place all the time
gettingin the way of your swordswipes

Roland says:
how do we get this game made
i want to play it so badly

Ben says:
yeah man maybe we just take it on to dragon's den
no grenades
just bags of sand
get in everyone's plate armour

Roland says:
did they even have sand then?

Ben says:
make them really itchy

Roland says:
so yr guy has to stop and scratch for a few minutes
gets arrowed

Ben says:
i want a little peasant narrating everything
SIR YOU ARE TOO ITCHY TO FIRE YOUR BOW
SIR YOUR TUBERCULOSIS IS ACTING UP TODAY, YOU CANNOT WIELD ANY HALBERDS OR TWO HANDED SWORDS

Roland says:
oh man halberds
if you could use a halberd on modern warfare 2
i would use NOTHING else
i wouldn't even have any perks i don't give a fuck

Ben says:
would be so great just guarding a bombsite
just chopping every single guy in half as they approach

Roland says:
the bombsite would be like a pig
or a bale of hay
you could tell who had the "bomb" because they'd be carrying a flaming torch
to set fire to your pig

Ben says:
everyone kicking the pig out of the way of the attackers
throwing it over walls

Roland says:
someone ties it to a horse
you have to set up a net
all the while your guys are like "throwing a pig!" and "Verily!"