Friday, 5 February 2010

this week in stupid games

I’ve been looking for a game to replace Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. I was hoping it would be Battlefield: Bad Company 2, but it won’t be. Mostly because it feels like the world, your character, and all the walls are made of a weird jelly. I’m distracted by how wobbly everything seems when I move around and then I’m being shot at by an army of bored looking clones, and I can’t tell, when I return fire, if I’ve even hit them, never mind if I’ve killed a motherfucker.

Aliens vs Predator won’t be replacing it either, the demo of which came out this week. The predator is not as tough as you’d expect, the marine is totally over powerful and the aliens best weapon is confusion and the game throws confusion at you by the shit ton. Most people don’t even know how to change weapon, or select what species they want to be.
I think having free for all as the only available game mode in the demo is a mistake too.
The stealth kills are either the best or worst aspect of this game. Only the aliens and predators can perform them, and they take so fucking long to do that I’m normally killed when someone comes up behind me to shove a tail up my asshole. It normally ends up like a queue of rancid murder. You turn a corner and see people lining up to fuck each other to death.

But I will say this for COD, the controls are great. And Aliens vs Predator has acknowledged this by copying them completely for the marine class, which I actually think is a pretty good call. But it does mean if you’re good at COD you’ll be great at Aliens vs Predator, since it’s almost the same, except sometimes guys are invisible or on the ceiling. I heard a guy shout "what the shit" when someone grabbed him from behind, and it seems like that is the bassline for this game.

I also became obsessed with Mass Effect 2 this week, pumping in 30 of my waking hours, and probably more whilst I was sleeping. It got to the point where I wondered why I couldn’t skip conversations in real life, and why it didn’t load when I went up and down the stairs.

Mass Effect 2 is basically about this guy who is trying to become the world record holder for sleeping with the most aliens, ever. The plot twist is that two of the aliens you can sleep with are actually humans (didn’t see that one coming, and that’s not a sex joke).
Sheperd, the main character, has also kidnapped an entire crew to pilot his ship, The Normal, which backfires when he doesn’t let his chef leave to even buy some ingredients, so he goes out to get it himself. And when he gets back the crew have shrunk themselves down and gone inside his body, so he has to go in after them. The lack of realism here is where the game falls down. Case in point: you actually have to meet and kill Sheperd’s skeleton. What makes less sense is it looks like it fits entirely in his stomach. Otherwise the game is good, and has some nice conversations.

Thankyou for your time.

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